TBI.ME

Traumatic Brain Injury -  I don’t wonder why it’s called the ‘Silent Epidemic’

My first brain injury was at 10 years old when I was hit by a bus and thrown head first into a brick building.  At 17, I was married to a man who hit me in the head on a regular basis.  A second marriage at age 21 and 3 children later, I was the mother of 3 boys…while I had an undiagnosed Traumatic Brain Injury!  I was a good mother overall, but there were moments I couldn’t explain and were not shining examples of motherhood.  There was a frustration and sadness in me that was unexplainable.  No mother ever loved her children more than I did, so what could be the cause of those less than happy times?  Then at age 31, I developed a brain tumor doctor’s thought would end my life…well, it didn’t.  In 1991 at age 39, I was hit by a Bronco in my Chevy Sprint driver door causing a flat spot in my skull. Unless air was in that space, brain cells were destroyed.  But it wasn’t until I reached age 56 that I realized I was functioning through life with this thing called a Traumatic Brain Injury.

So I joined the local support groups and the T.B.I class through PACE at SFCC. The support, encouragement, understanding and problem solving provided not just answers to unanswered behavioral problems from my life, but helped me realize I was still a whole person, yet a different person than the one I would have been without those traumas to me head. I became more accepting of myself, hopeful toward the future and proud to be part of a group of caring, loving, accepting people that work toward awareness and acceptance in our community and the world. People who act to create a safer, more educated society to prevent this type of injury and the havoc it can create in your life and with the family and people around you who love you and don’t understand or know how to help you when you are no longer the person they knew before. I am the same person, but I am also changed by shifts in my brain that no longer function the same way. It can be a difficult time of adjustment for not just the individual, but for everyone around them as well.

Last November 13, while taking a water safety class for my job, I nearly drowned. The oxygen deprivation (anoxia) that I experienced was severe at 30% and caused a heart attack along with more traumas to my brain. There were six days in the hospital, 3 in ICU. Thankfully, I was already signed up for the computer class to do ‘Brain Train’ winter quarter to help restore the brain waves in my head back to better thinking. I am so thankful to God that if this last challenge in my life had to happen, I am in the company of all these loving, caring, understanding, positive people who have been a constant source of encouragement to me these past few months. I still have a way to go in my latest recovery, but I know my chances are much better than they were in the past for me to overcome the challenges. This is just a bump in the road of life. This time I was in the right place to get the help I needed by people who don’t quit and I have an even greater understanding and patience for others around me experiencing trauma they need help with.

Don’t give up! Every life experience can be used for good in the end.

I was a very active, fit healthy 48 year old married woman  with two beautiful adult children but on August 29th 2009 my life suddenly changed forever.  I woke up with chest discomfort but figuring it was a pulled muscle from a yoga class the night before, I chose to ignore it and packed the car to move my daughter to Sacramento.  After dealing with 108 degree heat all day I got home and had a cardiac arrest while home alone.  They cannot figure out how long I was dead….maybe ten minutes?  When paramedics shocked me several times and injected my heart with adrenalin they got it going!  My heart stopped two more times while in transit to emergency.  Myopic infarction caused my heart arrest.  Very rare, hardly anyone survives this because it is so sudden without warning.  A tiny blood vessel at the base of my heart frayed, fell apart and my heart freaked out and went into a deadly heart rhythm.  They never repaired it, the doctors all said it had cauterized itself.  Miracles do happen and in August 2009 several did for me.

I am in my 12th month of recovery with an anoxic brain injury that has taught me the meaning of life.  The determination I have and the love and support that surrounds me is amazing.

Sure I have break downs of self pity but letting go of who I was and what & who I am now comes with time. It’s hard because I loved the old me.  Letting go of her was hard but

acceptance is the key to recovery & once I accepted this fate, the true healing was able to begin.

I came out of my coma blind, incoherent, unable to control movements or speak I was intubated and was fed through a tube directly into my stomach,  I somehow managed to bring my hand to my throat and felt my tracheotomy and feeding tube.  I didn’t know what happened to me. I tried calling out to the first familiar voice I heard, my Dad, when I realized I couldn’t speak I cried, he was the first love I felt in what seemed like months of being alone. The first day of realizing my existence and that my family didn’t abandon me.   I’m grateful for every day.  I strive to do the best I can for that day only, one day at a time.

I had to learn how to crawl, sit, stand, bring a spoon to my mouth, and learn how to swallow, so infantile. I had to gain coordination to brush my teeth , hair and bathe.I learned how to distribute weight and stand on my own.  With seven months of physical therapy I began finding my center of balance and started walking unassisted. I had to learn everything over again but I’m doing it slowly but successfully.

I have gained some of my vision back, cortically blind but vision directly in front of me is fine, I can even see in color now, I walk, shower by myself, recently started preparing small meals myself.

Jim “Superman” Mickelson

The day my new life began. July 10,1991 about 4 AM. I was a full time Engineer, EMT-D(Emergency Medical Technician with Defibrillation certification), Fireman with Missoula Rural Fire District, Missoula, Montana.

On July 10, at about 2:25 AM I was alerted to an Industrial Fire at Gallager Cedar Products, a local cedar mill. I grabbed my Video camera as I put on my fire gear and responded from my home nearby. At the scene I proceeded to fight fire until about 10 fire trucks with many men arrived. So I took videos for awhile. After awhile they needed more water. I volunteered to take a 4,000 gal. Watertender to an already set up waterfill site a couple miles down the road. With Red lights going all the while I filled the water tender; at the hydrant which was about 200 ft. from RR Crossing. Now weighing about 59,000 lbs. ; I then started to head back to the fire.

A train, which I did not see, hit the passenger side of my firetruck. A few points here to say why I’m here today.

1. Habits- I always made a habit of putting my seat belt on. It was on.
2. Turnout gear and helmet.
3. Heavy truck – 59,000 lbs.
4. Short Train.
5. My brother who was a Captain, EMT-D with the same Department on the same fire; rode in the ambulance to the hospital. Recognizing a head injury he requested permission from Emergency Room Doctor to have on board nurse give an injection of a new medication out that stopped brain swelling because of trauma. Permission granted.

I was transported unconscious to St.Patrick Hospital on via an ambulance, to the Emergency Room and later admitted to Intensive Care Unit. I was in a semi-coma for about 7 days.  After 7 days I was able to breath on my own and was transferred to Community Rehab Center for about 3 months.

A short while after I was in Rehab, I decided I wanted out of this world.  I quit eating and lost about 40 lbs.  I went from 210 to about 170.  I then had surgery to put in a PEG-tube to feed me.

I went through some of the typical stages of head injury; not talking, then talking but cussing a blue streak, not walking, then learning how to walk all over like a baby; not sleeping, etc.  They said I was a very combative and would not stay in bed so they put my bed on the floor. The first thing I remember was climbing up the wall and looking out the window. Oh!!  So beautiful out there.  At that point I apparently decided to stick around and work my way back to health.  They gave my bed back; but I would let the side down and fall on the floor.  As I couldn’t walk, I would crawl out to the nurses station at night so they kept me in a Houdini-Jacket at night.  I hated that damn straight jacket.  My brain finally healed enough to allow me to behave and stay in bed.  So I moved on with my Rehab of learning to balance, walk, read etc..

My brain injury was right in the middle of my brain where messages cross over.  Physically, it affected my right hand and left leg as well as a host of other little deficits like breathing, swallowing, sleeping and not sleeping.

I didn’t remember anything for about 6 weeks. I became aware of my scenario little by little. They taught me to walk and talk again. They brought me home in a wheel chair the first couple of times and told my wife they didn’t know if I would progress out of this stage. Thank God I moved on.

After a few weeks my taste went away. I couldn’t tell you if I was chewing on a steak or an orange. My Dr. said it would probably never return. Phew!!! Thank God he was wrong. It came back after a couple months.

After about a year of Out Patient Speech, Occupational and Physical therapy.  I graduated from Rehab and start my own Therapy at a local Gym. They turned me over to my own Fitness program set up at Western Montana Sports Fitness Club.

WC (Workmens Compensation) cut me off of my PT at about 2 years and said I was MMI (Maximum Medical Improvement). I began doing my own PT about 3 times a week at the same club for an additional 4 years and that has proved very worthwhile. Not only physically but socially, speech and cognitively. I’m not maxed yet.

At 6 1/2 years post injury I still try to maintain going 3 times a week.

I had a Speech Therapist come to my home for awhile to help me learn how to breath properly and speak clearer. My brain still does not tell me when to swallow so I choke and cough often because food or saliva backs up in a little shelves we all have in our throats. I have gone as long as two hours after a meal and coughed up a particle of food.

After having been a previous member; I rejoined Toastmasters International in about 1995 and this move has been very instrumental in helping my speech and memory.  The concept of repetition…… and constructive feedback at my own pace.  I believe it is what makes Toastmasters so effective for my TBI Rehab.  If you don’t know about Toastmasters check it out @   www.toastmasters.org . You’ll be glad you did!

My memory still has a lot of holes in it. Mostly short term memory deficits.  I don’t work or drive. Primarily because of my slow processing speed.

One of my biggest assets was my positive attitude. It helped me through many obstacles in Rehab and I feel that even today 11/26/2010; it continues to be a strong asset.  Several years ago I realized that all along I wasn’t doing all this Rehab by myself; Jesus was right by my side.  Now I’m trying to play catch-up and I can’t say “Thank You God” enough!  Try it you’ll like it!!!

I’m a strong believer in setting little goals to make small progress toward getting back to some degree of normal functioning.

One of my biggest challenges is to be the man my wife married. I know that I have changed but hopefully there is enough good parts left plus some new assets that I am worth saving for awhile. The same is true for the rest of my family. Hopefully again there are enough assets so that I can contribute to each of their lives.

My TBI has been a most trying experience. My wife has stood by me and I really tested our wedding vows. She has been an inspiration beyond words. Thank you Honey!! Thank you God!!

My four boys have been a real motivation to much of my rehab. Now in 2010 they are 24, 29, 32and 36; they make me very proud.

At 6 1/2 years post injury I still try to maintain going to an athletic club 3 times a week.

“Superman”
This term was given to me by Missoula Rural Fire Department Volunteers when they gave me a T-shirt with a big S on front and on the back it say; “I not as fast as a speeding bullet but I can stop a train.” Not recommended by me.

I know that life for me will never be what it used to be; however with optimism and direction I can climb many a mountain.

Updated 2/16/2006

Wow! What a ride! A lot has happened since my last update  12/11/97.  I have started over many times.  I feel the most important point on a compass is not North, East, West or South; but the point of where you are at right now.  Just pull my own boots on and realize that today really is the first day of the rest of my life.  I feel this is extremely important for Brain Injury Survivors to accept.  If you start a new life today you can plan and build into it many things that you thought were impossible before.  Just develop a supreme feeling that you can do this thing regardless of all the negative circumstances in front of you.  Plan you work and work your plan.

Yes! I have had lots of obstacles to keep me from moving ahead.   I’ll list some of my achievements:

1.     I learned to talk and walk with a lot of work in Rehab.

2.     I have continued since 1991 with my personal physical fitness program 3 days a week since my injury.

3.     Since Rehab in 1995 I joined Toastmasters International.  I have succeeded in achieving Competent Toastmaster Award.  Able Toastmaster Bronze,  Able Toastmaster Silver and ½ way to Able Toastmaster Gold.

4.     I have held all of the leadership positions in our Toastmaster Club and many twice.

5.     Toastmasters has allowed me to overcome numerous Brain Injury Deficits like Short & Long term memory challenges, helped me develop leadership skills which were a  tremendous help in my ability to carry those skills on to many community functions.  There’s a Club near you just go to [toastmasters.org]

6.     I started and run a very successful Missoula Brain Injury Support Group.

7.     I’m the Instigator of The Puzzle Club Brain Injury Support Group that has been meeting once a week since 1999.  I have seen many survivors in these groups prosper well with love and understanding along with a lot of encouragement. (A Lot!!!)

8.     My web site Opening soon: [ Puzzle Club.net]

9.     One of our Puzzle Club Survivors, Dr. Jillain Campana wrote and Produced an award winning production at the University of Montana,  called The Puzzle Club now available nationally @ http://www.disabilitytraining.com/product-info.php?Puzzle_Club_DVD-pid125.html

[http://www.pdassoc.com/pzcd.html]

The Puzzle Club continues to be a very strong point in my life to help myself get better by sharing and helping others help themselves.

10. I volunteer at Community Hospital Rehab about 3 part days a week.  Again by giving I get so………….much more in return.

Me and my Boys 2003

11. I help my wife maintain our beautiful home and challenge my last of 4

12. sons at home to do well in college.

13. My wife is helping me understand the important roll Jesus Christ & God play in my life.

Yes!  There many days that I wish this Brain Injury would just go away so I go run, jump, hear decent, go dancing with my wife and participate in activities with my boys and drive again after 14 ½ years.  I just kick myself and realize how lucky I am that I still have so many wonderful things God has left me with.

I still have a strong belief in the ability to improve after many years and even more with God’s help.  Just follow a simple 4 step plan:

1.     Become aware( through yourself or others) that some aspect or deficits exists in your life.

2.     Question it.  Why? What? Who? When? Etc.

3.     Determine and list options.

4.     Pick an option and – Go For It! If that option doesn’t work try another.  Never, never, never quit!

Behold:  “The Munchie Theory” :

Take any challenge you have in life; define it; break it down in bite sized chunks and then just go to work; taking one little bite each day and I guarantee some day you will win.  It may take you a year, but you will win.

“The Munchie Theory” it works!

I have a supreme optimism in others abilities to make each day of their lives better by just smiling and saying “I’ll Try”.

REBT therapy has helped me be a better survivor to know end.  If you don’t know about it ask me or do some research on the Net.

Don’t wait for Drs. & Therapists to help you get better!  Do All that you can do to “Be All that You Can Be.”

Your life can change if you believe in yourself!

Go for it!

Jim 8/8/06

Update 11/26/2010

Some times you just say “Same Ol Stuff”.  Not me; I work hard at trying to improve the little things that don’t work right.  Even if you don’t have a brain injury many days it’s the little things that make life awesome!

Today is not just another day; it’s a beautiful God given day that is like none other.  I just want to go out each morning with a glow in my heart that will never grow dim.

I still am the leader in a couple of brain injury support groups here in Missoula.  Some days the trials seem large, but then they are small compared to the cross Jesus bore so many years ago.  I’ll just pick up my cross and seek the first person in this world I can make a difference to!

I’m trying to walk the talk!  Love’ll get me there.

Contact me for any questions at > mickeys12@q.com <